Impressions.

I have been going through a little bit of an identity crisis since I got married two and a half years ago. I was feeling like "who am I?" and "what happened to the old me?" I want to share a few things I learned at the temple this morning.

At the beginning of the semester I received a blessing from my husband in which Heavenly Father told me to make time for myself at the temple. It has been difficult to find that time, but since my practicum class ended I now have a little more free time and have committed myself to attend once a week on Fridays.

When I walked into the temple it was the first time going alone since I was single. I handed my recommend to the man at the front desk, and it felt strange not having my companion with me. I walked into the ladies dressing room and they directed me to the area designated for the special ordinances I was partaking in. It had been more than two years since I had done initiatories and I was excited to be reminded of my blessings as a woman. While one of the workers was saying a blessing, I received many impressions. One was: there are so many terrible things in my generation such as open adultery, abuse, and the breaking of other commandments, but I have been promised that those things will not effect me. I will be able to be strong and do the things I was set on Earth to accomplish. I am grateful for this blessing. Another impression was: I have a protection from terrible things on my persons. I can do many things others cannot because of this blessing and gift. I want everyone to have this protection because then the world would be perfect, and nothing bad would happen to anyone ever again. I need to spread the gospel, and be more active in my duty as a saint. The most important and striking impression that I got was: I am a  daughter of God, and he has a Great Plan and part of that plan was for me to get married and become an eternal companion. That means that I am part of a partnership, and that I shouldn't be the same person I was when I was single. I am more than I was when I was single because God gave me a husband to be my companion and to help me and make me something I wasn't before...complete. I am his companion as well and I complete him. Together we make a whole and can enter into exaltation jointly. What a blessing it is to know these things without a doubt, and with conviction. I am here. I have a purpose. I will do the things the Lord has commanded.

To those of you reading this not of my faith, I invite you to learn more about my faith and testimony. Feel free to ask me any questions. Also, I invite you to find out these things for yourself so that you can receive your own knowledge. God loves us all, and he wants all of us to receive the blessings I have mentioned above.

Thanks for checking in!

Quotes of the day:
“It isn't as bad as you sometimes think it is. It all works out. Don't worry. I say that to myself every morning. It all works out in the end. Put your trust in God, and move forward with faith and confidence in the future. The Lord will not forsake us. He will not forsake us. If we will put our trust in Him, if we will pray to Him, if we will live worthy of His blessings, He will hear our prayers.” Gordon B. Hinckley

"Mediocrity will never do. You are capable of something better." Gordon B. Hinckley

12:01 and News Lately

Dear World,

As it is 12:01AM, it has officially been one month since I wrote last. I apologize for the missed weeks, but I promise it was for good reason.

1. My sister-in-law, Anna, got married May 25th in Portland, OR. I used to want to get married in the Portland temple, but LA was really my home. In any case, the wedding was beautiful--the sealing. Marcus and I sat directly behind Anna and her fiance while the sealer was talking to them so it was like he was talking to us. It really reminded us of the day we got married..the day we began our eternal family 2 and a half years ago. Wow. He said fabulous things like "sometimes when we kneel at the alter one spouse ends up reaching further than the other. It is important to know that in life this will be true, too." I feel like this sometimes. Marcus will be reaching further to lift me up, and other times I will be reaching further to lift him up. It is amazing to have an eternal companion that cares always and that sees my flaws and loves me anyway. We are a team and we work together to make our lives better and happier. I imagine that this is what joy feels like; never having doubt that the other will leave and to be truly happy--so happy that it fills my stomach, veins, chest, and even nose with a contagious energy that just wants to burst out my ears. 

2. Marcus and I just watched House at the End of the Street with Jennifer Lawrence. It definitely has a twist ending. *spoiler alert* Ryan, played by Max Theriot (sp?) the son in the movie The Pacifier, turns out to be the evil one. His sister is not even alive. He was abused as a child and freaked out and killed his parents and then had to kidnap girls that could play the role of his sister so that he could play his role as Ryan. This was because his parents made him act the role of his sister after she died from falling off a swingset. They were druggies and terrible parents. Simply put, he could not be Ryan unless there was someone else to be his sister. Anyhoo, Elissa (Jennifer Lawrence) moved in next door and had a little vibe with Ryan, but she finds out that he is a creepo a little too late and so she ends up shooting him with the cops gun, who had been previously murdered by Ryan. It's complicated. Ryan ends up killing about ten people and who knows how many girls he had play his sister's role? All in all, I liked the movie, but probably will never watch it again. I just really like Jennifer Lawrence. 

3. I took the PRAXIS again last Saturday. I am sure I did good enough to pass, but I really need to brush up on my literacy skills. I passed the other two PRAXIS tests I had to take, but unfortunately I took one of the wrong ones. Sad day. In any case, that testing is over as is my Senior Practicum aka Kindergarten Practicum aka ED427. Hallelujah. It was quite stressful having to go to the kindergarten every other day. I LOVED thee children though. I miss them! They're in Kindergarten, right? Well, the other day I heard a girl tell a boy that she didn't like him but that her friend did. It was silly. And so the chasing begins. Young love. 

4. We got a dog. His name is Sampson and he is an 18 month old up to date on shots and neutered Pug Australian Shepherd mix. We love him! He does not have a squished in face like a pug and I have only heard him bark once...at a horse...and he growled once when he saw himself in the mirror. Madeline loves him and they will have fun growing up together. Sampson knows one command for sure; "sit." I think we need to train him to do other things, but he is already housebroken which is awesome!

5. We are moving into our new home on Saturday. It is a bigger place than we have now and we will have our dog with us, he is at a boarding house for now, and a park right across the street. On the downside: I will miss our ward so much! AND the rent at the new place is higher, but it is bigger so...you get what you get. On the upside: There will be so much space! We can have a dog! It is across the street from Porter Park! All good things there!

6. I have made a goal for myself--I don't know if I should call it that since I have a habit of not finishing goals--to go to the temple weekly by myself. Since my Practicum has finished my MWF are suddenly free. At the beginning of the semester the Lord said to me in a blessing from my husband that I needed to attend the temple more often and I would find great peace there. So, I plan on going on Friday mornings around 9. Madeline will stay with the fabulous lady who inspired me to go. When I told Marcus of my plans he was happy but also disappointed that he wouldn't be able to come with me. My plan is to do initiatories because I love hearing about my divine gifts as a daughter of God. Plus, I think it will way help with my self esteem because I have been feeling blue from time-to-time. I have gifts that are hard for people to recognize; not like singing, dancing, drawing, remembering life events (even small ridiuclous things) or being really crafty. I have always been mediocre at those types of things. I want to be great, but it's just not in me. My gifts are more like for remembering people's names, and wanting to make new friends and make people happy. Those are good gifts, but I want more. I pray for more. That sounds selfish, but I want to be someone that people can appreciate. 

Quotes of the day: "Simply do what you can do, in the best way you know, and the Lord will accept of your effort." AND "You rock a sobbing child without wondering if today’s world is passing you by, because you know you hold tomorrow tightly in your arms." 

Thanks for checking in! Feel free to leave a comment :)

Prince Charming goes to I.F. with a Kindergarten Class and Gets a Massage

1. Yesterday I was thinking about the guys I used to date before I married Marcus. It seemed to me like a couple of them wanted me to make the big sweeping move of offering a first kiss, or asking him to commit to just me. I, like mostly every girl, wanted to be swept off my feet and fought for, darn it! I grew up watching the Disney Princesses and their Prince Charmings where the princes would slay beasts and dragons and thorn bushes and evil step families. I wanted that same sort of prized feeling; I wanted to be the prize. One guy suddenly stopped talking to me, and it really confused me so he was left in the dust. Another guy seriously wanted me to kiss him first, and I could just tell because while we were sitting there looking at the stars and at each other he would not kiss me. He would just complain about whatever was happening in his life at that time and then stare into my eyes and not kiss me. Goodness. Anyways, Marcus strutted in my life with confidence and no experience, but he manned up and took the plunge. Now we are happily married.

These are most of the Disney Princes

2. We are probably moving to IF in December because that is where I am student teaching and since I am in the winter I do not want to drive that far in terrible weather conditions. Marcus will be commuting in the Spring so that we don't have to move three times in one year (from here to IF, back to here, then to SC.) We would rather just stay here, but I can't handle the driving thing. When we move, we are going to get a dog! In order to get a dog that fits us, I did a personality test and we should get some sort of terrier, or a pug, and I want a pug mix--maybe a pug/beagle mix. So cute. Pugs are friendly and hilarious, and beagles are more attractive. This is sort of the dog that we are looking for:

His name is Hershey and he is at a shelter in AZ. 

3. My kindergarten class was so surprised when they found out that I was a mother today. It was hilarious because I guess when they compared me to the other teacher I am much younger and I look younger than their parents (maybe). Naturally they wouldn't picture me with a family of my own.

4. Tomorrow I am getting a massage for Mother's day. My husband loves me and knows what I like! I am exited because my back has been really acting up!

Fist List: Real Estate, Educational System, Stolen Permit?, CHOCOLATE, and my childhood friends!

Today's five:

1. People. I talked to a real estate agent yesterday, which was awesome, and I got clarification on a few things about the market in SC and what to expect when buying. Needless to say, I am excited!

2. I am in my senior practicum which is a Kindergarten classroom experience--pretty much my practice run before I actually student teach. My thoughts, now that I am in the actual classroom, I can see that the educational system is such an injustice to several children; not all but several. This is not to say that the teachers do not care or that they are bad, but the government has so much control over what is to be taught to the children... this is what it looks like:

I want to be able to change that. I also think it is a strong possibility that I will home school my children. 

3. Someone stole our parking permit for our complex..this is a strange item to steal because it is connected to our license plate and there is plenty of parking... 

4. I think I found my sweet tooth because I can not get enough chocolate. I promise that I am not pregnant. 

5. I miss Caroline, Racheal, Lauren, Leah, and Melanie (of course). Not to mention Meeshell who is on her mission in the West Indies. She will be back soon--August/September. Sometimes I wish we could all live on the same block and have parties all the time, and our husbands could hang out and talk about manly things like sports and politics..and how awesome their wives are ;)

Love,

Christiana

PS- I totally printed my blog as a book. I will tell you how it looks when it arrives! It's nice to have a hard copy. 

Fist List: Homework, Naps, Marriage, 1 Million Dollars, Magazines, and Backaches

I am going to try to be better at recording my life at least once a week. I used to be the best journaler and would write every day...then I got into college, got married, and had a baby and am now juggling all three simultaneously.This picture comes to mind...only I would have a more frantic face and I am allergic to cats so in the future it will just be a dog or two: 

On a completely random note I just saw a picture with a caption that read "I love my computer because my friends live in it." It made me laugh quietly to myself. 

One of my best friends keeps her blogs using a "5 things list." I have decided to follow suit and make my own fist list of things I am thinking about/things that are going on/our future plans. This will help me stay focused and my entries easier to follow and shorter at times. 

1. Marcus and I spent this Saturday doing homework. We did take some time to go grocery shopping and get a bite to eat at the Great Harvest Bread Co. here in town. They make homemade bread daily (obviously) and the shop always smells so delicious. When we walked in a couple of girls gawked at how adorable Madeline is. I have to agree. She is. 

2. I miss taking naps. So much. I have always been fond of naptime. In preschool I remember going to sleep on those thin sleep mats and waking up to a tower of blocks falling three inches from my face. In high school I never had the chance to nap because my schedule was so hectic and I really wish we hadn't had to commute so far every day. In my freshman and sophomore years of college I napped every day usually around 1 or 4pm. I miss those days. Sometimes my husband lets me take a short nap when he has free time...that will not happen this semester. 

3. A marriage lasts because both partners are willing to give/sacrifice. Part of this process is through intimacy. Sometimes I wish there were more time in the day.

4. If I won $1,000,000 where would the funds go? 

• I would bulldoze my parents' house and give them $200,000 to build a new one. 
• We would pay off our student debts (It is around $50,000 combined). 
• We would pay off my in-laws' mortgage which would allow them to save money for future expenses. 
• A lot would go in savings.
• We would purchase a home in South Carolina.
• We would buy nice gifts for our siblings because we love them.

5. I have a dream to create a magazine-worthy living area and kitchen in my future home. I want to put some sweat equity into our homes and create something inviting, charming, and comfortable. I want it to represent mine and Marcus' tastes, but we have such different ideas of what looks good. He is more rustic (picture seclusion in a log cabin) and I am more modern/shabby chic (which does not mean rustic). We bud heads, but he mostly lets me get my way since the woman, generally, is the nest-maker (especially in our case). We do agree on some things; we both like a wrap-around porch idea and a big yard with enough space for two dogs and ten children.

6. I am having back problems! I have had Scoliosis for a while now, but more recently I have developed Kyphosis (which is the excessive outward curvature of the spine). It has gotten worse this last year and has been putting extra stress on the muscles around the curved areas. It has been difficult to carry Madeline (now at least 20 pounds), and anything excessively heavy. I went to the doctor and he took xrays. We are waiting for the radiologist to tell the measurements of the angles to determine what sort of treatment I need--physical therapy, back brace, surgery, or a combination. 

Peace and Blessings.

Funny Quote: All my life I thought air was free...until I bought a bag of chips.

Good Quote: A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.

Juggling.

I'm sitting here watching Maddy try to reach for things in the television; she is trying to reach her fingers into the screen. It is hilarious. She especially likes the little fish that swim by (we are watching Bubble Guppies; I kind of hate it). Watching Madeline grow each day is a beautiful thing. Lately I have had so many comments of "she is getting so big!" You know what? She is. She is walking, mimics pretty much everything I do, holds conversations for sentences at a time (although it is just babble of course), and tries to use forks and spoons. She is also a pro at using a straw.

Going to school full time and being a mother is hard work. It is the hardest thing I have had to do in my life! I feel exhausted physically, emotionally, and cognitively. I feel like I am just surviving life right now. Yet, I know I am so blessed. I have an amazing family. My husband makes sure I am provided for. My daughter is healthy and growing. I get to attend a school with low tuition costs and where the Spirit is felt so strongly and is invited into each class. I can afford things I don't need but really really want. I am educated; I will have a degree in less than a year! My husband has a full time job and he can stay home and go to school still. I know I am blessed. If you don't know, please remember that you are a son or daughter of God who loves you very much! He is all-knowing and all-powerful. He will make things--good things--happen in your life. So, while my life is difficult to juggle right now, I know it will all work out.

Recent Things:

1. Last week we were on vacation at my parents' house. We went to the Santa Barbara Zoo, which Madeline loved.
2. I have been looking at homes to buy. It is more difficult than I thought.
3. Madeline loves animals.
4. My last semester started on Monday. It is Marcus' third-to last.
5. My car gets about 25-30 MPG on the highway! It is a 7-seater, so that is amazing!

Thanks for caring about us enough to read!

Impressions of the Spirit Session 1 of the 183 General Conference

God loves us. Regardless of our downfalls. He loves us. He always will. Even when I don't know what I am supposed to bear testimony on, I know God loves us. The Spirit that I have felt while watching Conference has been one of peace and excitement. It's okay that there are a lot of miserable things happening in the World because God will not let us down. He will never forsake us, even when we believe He has. Jesus Christ has made sure that we will return to our heavenly home to reside with God once more. We are free agents to make sure this happens, but it is in our power that it happens.

I was thinking that when we feel that we do not have a cheer-leading team here on Earth for the good things we do at least we have one in heaven. When we choose to compliment, to not gossip, to have patience with others, to endure the what-seems-like-endless misery, there is a team in heaven that is happy and proud of us; God is saying "that's my girl" or "that's my boy!" "Well, done though good and faithful servant." We can count on that.

So, don't worry. God loves us. He will make sure we are taken care of. Surely the person who created the heavens and the earth--the whole universe--will make sure we are okay. Don't for one second doubt that he is incapable of knowing how to help. He is omnipotent and omniscient. Trust in the Lord. Have faith in his power which is endless.