What She Does

Recently we  have lost tons of sleep, but our little girl is worth it. I cannot wait for the day I see a real smile on her face. So far she only smiles in her sleep. It’s cute every time. She does make us smile a lot though. There are a couple of hilarious things that she does, and I have caught them on video! I posted those videos below.

In other news, this Spring break has been such a blessing. Marcus and I haven't lost too much sleep his week since we don't have to be anywhere. The real juggle begins next week when classes start. Brian and George are going to watch her during classes, and I hope she is a good girl for them. I think she will mostly sleep while they are watching her. 

Little Madeline all dressed up for church. 

Look at her cute little foot! That is why Marcus and I call her Monkey.

Madeline didn't want to fall asleep laying down so I sat her up and patted her back. She ended up falling asleep anyways. 

Maddy was being super fussy so we hooked some headphones up to Pandora and fed her some sugar water. 

Madeline Neve Thackeray: our little monkey.

Well, to start off this entry, here is the intense labor and delivery story, and here is a little disclaimer:


DO NOT READ IF... you are sensitive to graphic details. Labor is painful and yucky. I didn't leave many of the details out. Just a warning.

I left the house at 3:30ish AM after having mild and constant contractions for an hour. I had to make sure I was going into labor before I woke up Marcus. He had work in the morning, and I didn't want him to be tired if I wasn't actually having the baby. So, I spent that hour packing a hospital bag and preparing to being our daughter home.

My labor progressed really quickly. I was about 4 centimeters dilated when I went to the hospital. (And I had been since I went into preterm labor on the 14th.) At this time, my contractions weren't very painful...yet. They had me go to this little room to monitor the baby's heartbeat and her movements and my contractions for about twenty minutes. Then my contractions started to become unbearable. I wanted to get an epidural really bad, but they said I couldn't get one until I was further along. I asked them if I could go walk around because the contractions didn't hurt as much when I was moving and standing, but they still wanted to monitor me which I thought was annoying because I just didn't want to be in pain any more; they weren't giving me drugs, and they weren't letting me walk around. I was so frustrated. I guess I started screaming pretty loudly shortly after they said they wanted to monitor me longer because the nurse decided to let me go walk around. I walked in the secluded hospital corridors with my husband by my side for about half an hour. My contractions were very constant and I wanted to die. They were so painful. At times I felt like I couldn't even walk. I just wanted to pass out and never wake up. I sat down in a chair during one contraction and I ended up getting blood on it. I felt horrible, but the agony was extremely distracting and soon I didn't care that there was blood on the chair. I prayed during the next contraction that I would have strength to have the baby and that labor and delivery would be fast. I didn't know how long I could take the pain..I'm a ninny when it comes to hurting. I had to use the bathroom so I went back to the room and the nurse hooked me back up to the monitors. I laid in the bed for a little while and called my mom and asked her what to do about the pain and she talked me through a couple contractions. She kept me focused on my breathing instead of the pain. After I got off the phone with my mom, though, I lost my train of thought and could only focus on how much I was hurting. I started screaming. I am sure it sounded like I was being attacked and tortured...but it was just labor. I started to push which the nurse didn't like because my water hadn't yet broken. But my body was working by natural instinct I guess. I felt a huge bubble coming out of my birthing canal and I thought it was the baby's head. I asked Marcus and he looked and said that he didn't know what it was, but right as he was looking my water broke and I felt a little bit of relief, but that was really only the beginning. It turns out I was pushing the water sack out. The nurse checked how far along I was and I was fully dilated.

They moved me to the delivery room across the hall. I don't even remember walking there, but I know I did because I remember walking past the nurse station. They called the epidural guy, Michael, but I never had the chance of meeting him. Pretty much as soon as I laid down in that delivery room bed I was ready to push. They made me wait to push until the doctor arrived, though. Well, kinda... I was listening to my body and they told me to breath through the contractions and focus on the breathing, but I just wanted to push. So, I started to push on my own accord and right when I started to my doctor walked in. He said, "well, you progressed fast!" I just started screaming though because of the pain. (Side NOTE: ladies, go to prenatal classes and learn how to manage your pain because it is not fun having a sore throat from all the screaming.) Marcus wanted to hold my hand and comfort me, but his hands are so big and the nurse's were so little and easy to hold. I told Marc that I didn't want him to touch me. I just didn't like being touched...looking back I wish he had been sweeping his hand across my forehead to calm me down a little. He was a goof sport though and stood by my side and held my leg in position.

Four pushes later Madeline was born. She came out with her feet in the air and her toes spread far apart, like a little monkey. She was all purple, and I could tell that her hair was tinted red which I am really excited about. It is little gift from my brother David, I think. She had a healthy cry. I was so happy to be done with pushing her out. My labor only lasted 3.5 hours. It started at 2am and ended at 5:20ish AM. My water broke and twenty minutes later my baby was born.

The doctor waited to get the afterbirth which came within five minutes after she was born. I felt such relief when everything was out of my body...mostly everything anyways. Apparently your body continues to get rid of pregnancy stuff for about 6 weeks after the birth. 

After that the doctor injected numbing liquid down in lady town. Apparently I ripped a little bit while the baby's head was coming out. He stitched the rip and I was officially done with things coming out of there. 

I thought the pain was all over, but only the intense pain of labor was. This week has been difficult for me. The area where my body ripped hurts so much. They gave me drugs to cope with the pain, but when I stand up or sit down I am in agony. It also really hurts to go to the bathroom. They gave me this douche-like thing that I could fill with water to clean myself because I am not allowed to wipe due to the stitches. 

Since birth I have only secreted four times. And it hurts so much when I do. 

Anyways, There is the story but just know that I LOVE daughter. Hearing her coos and sighs and seeing her eyes open and close makes everything worth it. I am so grateful for Heavenly Father and that he gave me the opportunity to be someone's mother. She is an angel sent from Him. I am also grateful that Jesus experienced every pain we ever had or will have. He is the only man that will ever know how to empathize with a woman about labor. 

It took about a day to come up with our daughter's name. I left the list of possibilities at home, but it turns out she didn't look like any of the names on the list anyways. I was thinking and thought of the name Madeline. One we decided she was definitely a Madeline (Maddy for short) we had a difficult time coming up with a middle name. I searched the internet while laying on my hospital bed. I found this middle-name-generator at babynamegenie.com which gave me awful results like Madeline Cynthia Thackeray and Madeline Marley Thackeray. Those middle names sound horrible with Madeline. So, I looked up "middle names" in a google search. There was a website that said cool middle names so I clicked it. It was probably the first link that came up after the genie website. They listed some awesome choices like: Brynn and Reese but none of them clicked with us. Then I came across the name Neve (n-ee-v). I liked it. So, I looked up the meaning which is: 

Origin: Gaelic Meaning: Radiance; brightness

Origin: English Meaning: Radiance; brightness

Origin: Italian Meaning: Snow Originally I wanted our daughter's first name to mean something related to sunshine because she is our little sunshine, but since none of the names on our list were the right name, this middle name was PERFECT. It means radiance and brightness! She is our little sunshine girl. I love her so much. Madeline has been such a joy so far. She has the sweetest spirit in the world. She loves looking around, but sometimes she goes crosseyed because she is still trying to gain control of those muscles. We can't tell what color her eyes are going to end up, but it looks like they are lightening. They might be green or blue.  I love her. I can't wait to spend our whole lives together!

Baby Shower! and After Party.

This is me winning the 99 bomb minesweeper.

The last couple of weeks have been really difficult for me. My daughter decided she wanted to come early; February 14th, actually. The doctors were able to stop labor and since then I have been on bed rest. Bed rest seems like it would be awesome because you have permission to be lazy...but I am still a full time student and I am having a hard time keeping up with my classes. I need to do well. I am tired and my teachers say to just keep taking care of the baby by staying in bed, but it is frustrating because at the same time they are saying this I am falling further behind in class and it is hard for me to handle. I just don't know what to do. I heard a quote the other day, "to blessed to be stressed." I am trying to think like that, but I feel so stressed. So, how do I handle this?

I just can't wait to see my baby. I can feel every little movement she makes. I think that sometimes it makes my Marcus a little jealous, but he will get to hold her soon. He thinks she will be born on Monday. It could happen. I want it to happen. My guess is March 9th.

Me studying.

My awesome best friends Racheal, Meeshell, and Stephanie threw me a baby shower yesterday. I snuck out of my house and off of my bed to attend. I thought it was only one day of the week, and if she comes, she comes! I had so much fun. I was tired the whole time though. I haven't been moving around much and my body is just exhausted. They decorated the lounge so cute!

The awesome decorations! Isn't the balloon cluster neat?

Some of the party guests: Stacie, Stephanie, Carlie, Summer, and Daniella.

This is me and my baby tummy. Soon I will have a baby and not a baby tummy.

This was a game where the girls cut lengths of yarn to see if they could eye how big my stomach was. 

Stephanie won so she got a beautiful blonde hairpiece as a prize.

This was another game where the girls placed paper binkis on the baby. Stephanie Leigh won this round! She got it right on the lips!

These are the cute cupcakes that Racheal made! They were delicious and just the perfect small bite!

This was another game where the girls had to guess which candy bar was which. It's called the poop game. Sounds gross and I'm sure some girls thought that it was, but I just thought it was funny. I hope I don't have to deal with baby poop that looks like this, though. 

These were some of the gifts I got. In all the other pictures I was blinking and I looked awful, so this is the only gift picture you get to see. Aren't the outfits so cute? When I opened the first gift I started to cry. It just really hit me that I am going to be a mom!

This was the "after party" and I LOVE this photo.

My stomach kinda looks like it is fake, but it is totally real!

This is the group picture with all the girls that came. I think we all enjoyed ourselves.

This was another prize; hot pink gloves. Andrea is such a great model!

 After the baby shower Marcus came to the lounge with Jacob and Paul. We played Mafia for a couple of hours and talked about a lot of great things. We discovered that we can no longer play as a group because we all know each other too well, and it turns out that we end up doing the same techniques. It's funny. The men also got into a religious debate. It wasn't contentious, just very philosophical. They are all very intellectual thinkers and sometimes they need to get into deep discussions in order to work things out in their own minds and to affirm what they do know.

Racheal and Jacob. So happy. 

My handsome hubby. 

Jacob being silly. 

How to Show Him You Love Him

I got these 50 tips from another blog, but I agree with them!

DROP EVERYTHING.  When the kids are in bed and you get excited about doing your own thing, try to put your eternal “to do” list aside for a moment.  Give your husband your undivided attention!

LIPSTICK & TOLIET MESSAGES.  One time I wrote a little love note on our bathroom mirror with lipstick.  Another time I wrote on toilet paper with a permanent marker and laid out the message on top of the toilet water.  In the morning, he had a funny surprise!

PACK HIS FAVORITE TREAT Buy his favorite candy bar or make a treat, and pack it in his lunch with a love note.

TEXT HIM Surprise him with a spontaneous cute sentence about why you love him or are grateful for him!  An email would work too.

START A HOBBY TOGETHER.  Ok, so with our babies asleep at home one night, we decided to write a “bucket list” of fun things we wanted to do together.  One of which is to borrow his family’s tangible encyclopedias, start with A, and learn and teach each other cool things.  Find something you both would enjoy!

DARE TO BE BOLD.   Everyone knows that marital intimacy is important to husbands.  Initiate and be open to physical affection. 

PLAN A DATE NIGHT even it is in your own home when the kiddos are asleep.  CLICK HERE to see some date night ideas.  It’s so important to have that time to fall in love all over again!

START A “LOVE JOURNAL” where you can write letters to each other, paste in notes you’ve both written, special memories, and such.  CLICK HERE to see examples!

  KEEP YOURSELF ATTRACTIVE It's easy to fall into a "house wife" mode and just walk around in "cleaning clothes" with your hair twisted into a mess. That's ok sometimes, but try to be more presentable by the time your husband sees you. Bathe, put on clean clothes, makeup, and actually do your hair .... I just have to add a side note that this sometimes takes a mere miracle but you can do it!  

MAKE HIM A HEART-SHAPED BREAKFAST Make heart-shaped pancakes or heart-shaped toast!

FLIRT WITH HIM Just because you've snagged him, don't stop flirting! Wink at him, squeeze his muscles, stare in awe of how handsome he is, or now that your married, it's not at all out of line to be a little bolder in your purpose.

 DON'T TRY TO BE HIS MOM Remember you are his wife, not his mother. Don't jump him every time he does something differently than you’d like.  Remember, you are equals.

 LAUGH AT HIS QUIRKS  Focus on not letting the little things that your husband does get on your nerves. If you think about it, some of these things may have been what attracted you to him! He just wouldn't be the same if he didn't do these things.

WRITE A MESSAGE OUT ON PAPER HOLE PUNCH CIRCLES.  Grab a bunch of leftover hole punches and number them and write one letter on each one to spell out a message! 

GIVE HIM A MASSAGE.  I bet he would love a spontaneous head rub or go all out and give him a back rub with lotion.  Your touch means a lot to him.

GRAB A KISS WHILE YOU WAIT Kiss your husband while you're waiting at the stoplight or in the food drive-through.

GREET HIM AT THE DOOR Don't wait for your husband to say, "Honey, I'm home!" Watch for him and greet him at the door with a hug and kiss! Ok, I just have to interject that I’m assuming many of us are watching the clock so ready for our husbands to come home and rescue us!  But it’s an awesome reminder to make that greeting a special, exciting one not one that our husbands dread :).  

TALK ABOUT HIS INTERESTS Bring up a subject that interests him and listen to him talk. Even if the subject doesn't interest you, enjoy watching him as he gets stirred up over the topic.

SLOW DANCE in the kitchen when the kids go to bed. 

LET HIM OVERHEAR YOU PRAISE HIM or intentionally BRAG ON HIM WHEN IN FRONT OF FAMILY or his friends.

SURPRISE GIFT.  Surprise him with a fun gift of some kind that he’d really enjoy.

HOLD YOUR TONGUE.  When you are in a moment of frustration, try waiting to discuss a matter until you have a clearer perspective and can be sincerely kind.

MAKE YOUR HOME HIS REFUGE. Focus on making your home a haven were your husband can retreat from the stresses of life. Do your best to make it a pleasant environment.

 ENCOURAGE HIS HOBBIES, even if you’re perhaps not fond of some.  Encourage him, even help make it happen!  It will make a huge difference and help him tremendously to feel more balanced and to be his best self.

TAKE A HIKE OR WALK TOGETHER. It's hard to hold hands while pushing a stroller, but at least you can talk!

EAT AN ICE CREAM CONE TOGETHER Buy one, large cone, and eat it together at the same time.

 IN A MOMENT WHEN YOU COULD BE IRRITABLE, TRY TO LAUGH instead!  Try to be witty or flirty in a moment when you could be grumpy. 

PRAY TOGETHER EACH NIGHT. Recently I attended a wedding ceremony where I heard some of the best marriage advice! So when it’s the husband’s turn he is to pray about 1) what he is grateful for in his bride and 2) what he will do to be more worthy of her love.  Then the next night, the wife does the same thing and you switch back and forth.  How bonding and beautiful this is!  Hearing your spouse pray about you is a very special thing.

ENCOURAGE HIM TO BUY THAT TOY he's been wanting so badly. Better yet, put some of your own things off, save the money and buy it for him yourself!

 MEND HIS CLOTHES Buy a sewing kit and repair those sock holes! Break down and sew on his popped-off buttons. This may increase his wardrobe by 20%!

HAVE A WRESTLING MATCH This will get you both laughing, and the closeness will be fun.  It will remind you not to be so serious.

SEEK HIS ADVICE Ask for your husband's input and advice on anything from children to what he might like to eat. This will let him know he's needed and that his thoughts are important.

 LOOK OUT FOR HIS HEALTH Encourage your husband to get plenty of sleep and exercise. Try cooking some healthy meals, and buy him nutritional supplements.

 MAKE HIM A COUPON BOOK  Give him coupons to redeem—maybe for a back scratch or a shoulder rub.

CUDDLE WHILE WATCHING A MOVIE.  Maybe you could even pick out a movie you know he would really like and have a yummy treat!

DON'T BE A PESSIMIST Try not to focus too much on the negative. Try to have a positive outlook in your marriage and on life.  There’s a difference between having real and honest talks (which is necessary) and just have a sour outlook on everything.

EAT BY CANDLELIGHT. 

 PAMPER HIM WHEN HE'S SICK Men love to be pampered, especially when they're sick. Make sure everything is comfortable and that he has some special foods.

PLAY A GAME TOGETHER

LOOK HIM IN THE EYES Look your husband straight in the eyes when he talks to you. Not only will this show that you're interested in what he has to say, but there’s something about looking straight into his eyes that will give you butterflies.

DON'T PUSH THE BUDGET If you can't afford certain things, don't buy them.  Try not to complain about your standard of living or whine about the things that you don't have. He desires to be a great provider for you.

 HELP HIM SHAVE This is a fun way to be close and to get you both laughing!

 LOVE YOURSELF Many times we as women hold back on our husbands because of our own insecurities. Learn to let it go. The things that we're so worried about, usually don't even bother him. What bothers him is when we hold back.

DEFEND HIM Don't let others disrespect your husband. Even just a snide comment can hurt. Stick up for the most important person in your life.

RATHER THAN BECOMING OFFENDED, SEEK TO UNDERSTAND.  A woman's brain and corpus callosum actually is wired a lot differently than a man's brain due to hormones in utero.  For one example, women tend to reflect what others say towards themselves and can sometimes take harmless comments offensively.  In conversation, try seeking to understand rather than reflecting comments on yourself.

 JUST GO TO BED!  I don’t always believe in the adage to never go to bed angry.  Our kids sure struggle when they are over tired, and so do we.  In a moment of frustration when tired and cranky, sometimes just go to bed. You'll likely wake up in the morning with a renewed perspective! :)

 PRAISE and SHOW APPRECIATION When your husband works hard, or does something for you, let him know you appreciate him!  Interestingly, researchers have found that praise and admiration is actually on men’s top 5 needs in marriage.  CLICK HERE to see the top 5 needs of men vs. women.

 KEEP LEARNING AND BEING CURIOUS.  It can take some real effort and creativity to expand your intellect while tending lots of littles, but it will make you a more beautiful and interesting wife and mother!  Maybe listen to interesting podcasts as you attack the piles of dishes, always carry a good book with you, or quickly research one new topic especially if it’s something your husband would also find interesting!

DON'T COMPARE.  Be careful not to compare your husband to others - your dad, brothers, or other men.  They may be great, but remember your husband is too.  Likewise we should avoid comparing ourselves to other wives and moms.   

ENCOURAGE MAN TIME.  Enthusiastically support your husband in perhaps watching sports with other guys, playing sports, or having time to hang out with guys he is close to. 

19 Candles

The way I have been thinking of David lately. This is him when he was about 4 or 5.

Today would have been my brother David's 19th birthday. Birthdays are kinda hard to celebrate when you realize how much of a person's life they aren't able to celebrate. He was taken back home at such a young age, but I know he is happy and comfortable where he is. Here's to you David.

Cupcakes are so delicious, and they are a new fad 

Happy Birthday :) I love you.

Catching Up

Dear friends,

I am sick as can be. I guess it is just a cold...but just-a-cold when you're 33 weeks pregnant pretty much feels like death. My doctor said to take Sudafed to help with the congestion. It does help for about 4 hours but my energy levels are just declining. They couldn't prescribe anything for my sore throat and watery eyes.

Marcus gave me a blessing last night because I am really struggling with healing quickly. This trial has been given to me, I feel, to help me prepare for motherhood in a weird way. It is not going to be easy, and it is going to take some real juggling to be a mom and a full time student. My body began to feel less achy after the blessing. I am just grateful Marcus is in my life.

other news

Marcus brought me home some flowers and orange juice yesterday. It was so sweet. I know he is thinking of me. I hope every girl gets to experience someone's love that way.

45 days til baby girl is due. I hope she comes a little bit early. She is already almost 5 pounds! If she gains a pound a week until she is born she is going to be a big baby! 11 pounds! Let's just hope she only gains half a pound a week.

Marcus is done applying for the Collegiate Navy program that he has been working on since last month. He went to Salt Lake last week and had a MEPS physical to see if he is a healthy boy. He is. They needed some more paperwork from past doctor's visits though and then he will be officially waiting to get into the interviews. They will fly him out to Washington DC at the end of this month or next month. Hopefully it will be this month since baby is due at the end of next month. He'll need to go though. The Navy position means no more student loans and taking out debt. In fact, we can start paying off our debt! I am grateful to attend a university where our tuition has been subsidized by tithing, but I owe a lot of money.

We have decided to start a family tradition where we have Journal Sundays. Ever since I have been married my journaling has gone down immensely and Marcus never really journaled except when he was on his mission. I feel that Journal Sundays will give us a good time to write about our week and any experiences that happened. I am hoping this tradition will last until we are old and that our children will be able to keep their Sunday Journals and remember their lives.

Exhausted

Okay, so I thought that I would be feeling great this trimester of pregnancy, but I am so EXHAUSTED! I wonder if it would be different if I were not going to school... All I want to do lately is sleep! Plus I think I am losing my mind... I am so absent minded and I can't remember things that I would usually remember like people's names, and what I was just looking for. Apparently absent-mindedness is a just a symptom of pregnancy. I plan on being back to normal once my baby girl is out of my tummy.

I sure love this kid, but lately my gut has been feeling like it just can't expand any more! I feel like a whale. And I think because of my baby gaining weight this past week that I am having a difficult time getting comfortable while sleeping. I toss and turn all night long. I don't know what will be worse... not sleeping because of not being comfortable, or not sleeping because the baby wakes up every few hours. Hmm... I'll let you know when I figure it out.

School is tough! I am taking 6 classes and they are all major classes that I need to do well in. Because of my recent absentmindedness I don't even know if I am keeping this information in my head! All I know is that Heavenly Father has my back. I had a test this week and I tried to study. I could have studied a little more, but I really wanted to sleep. Anyways, when I took the test I could honestly say that I felt Him guiding me to the right answers. I got a B on the test and then I was able to do test corrections which bumped up my grade to an A-! So, I have not been deserted, despite how I may feel during one of my ridiculous emotional days.

Pregnancy is hard.

I hear is pays off though, and I know that it will. "Children are an heritage to the Lord."