Children screaming.
Dishes piled in the sink.
Food that needs to be prepared.
Laundry to fold
--lots of laundry.
Noses to blow.
Diapers to change.
Nails to clip.
-deep breath-
Bills to pay.
Errands to run.
Medicine to take.
Medicine to give.
The trash is full.
The dog needs to pee.
Arguments debated.
-sigh-
Hugs to give.
Kisses blown.
"I love you's" whispered.
It's busy.
It's chaotic.
But there is still good.
Things that have happened/random thoughts:
Madeline told me she wanted to fly the other day. I looked at her, not wanting to ruin her dreams, and said "you don't have wings, baby." She looked at me and ran upstairs. Three minutes later she was back in front of me wearing her dress-up butterfly fairy wings. She proved me wrong. She DOES have wings.
This morning Faye was crying in the kitchen for no apparent reason. Madeline said, "I want to help her." But she just kept crying. I put her to bed because she was tired. Madeline cares so much for her baby sister.
I feel ugly. Sometimes just so ugly. I don't really have time for myself and lately the house has been sick. But I look at all the pretty moms that ARE gorgeous for what seems like all the time. Sometimes I feel like my outward appearance doesn't reflect the beauty I know is within. I do think women have the right to be beautiful whenever, though. Like, they shouldn't feel guilty for looking pretty. But why am I so hard on myself for not doing my hair, and not doing my makeup, and not having a REAL outfit aside from yoga pants and tshirts?
Someone should create a tshirt bra combination.
I strained a muscle in my neck so I went to the ER and they prescribed some pain killers. But they rushed me through and did not really care about diagnosing the cause. I suppose that all ER's are like that according to my mom and husband. So, I went to the doctor and she told me the cause is this: stress and fatigue from not sleeping. She recommended massage therapy (which insurance does not cover) and Marcus and I switching who stays up with Faye at night. I can't bear to have Marcus stay up though because he works all day and really needs to be on his game...mind-wise. But The doctor DID recommend it.
I feel so guilty about not being able to keep up on housework. I feel like a lazy person. But I am so tired.
We did our taxes and having a second baby gave us a bigger return than we ever expected.
There was poop all over the toilet downstairs this morning. Madeline tried to go by herself. It's a happy mom-moment, but also a horrific one where I am the one who has to clean it. At least she tried.
I don't know how to become close friends with people anymore. It's like all this business has caused me to exhaustion and no time for anything else.
I NEED to take time for myself. How do you do that?
People have been posting blogs about postpartum depression and anxiety. I think I have that. I'm not crying all the time but I know I am not myself. I get so upset at my baby for not letting me sleep. I haven't slept for almost 9 months. It's getting to me. I know she will eventually, but for now...I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. I love her. I love her laughs and I miss her when she's asleep during nap times. But I know she is 90% of the reason for me not sleeping at night.
Madeline loves to wear dresses.
Marcus has Valentine's weekend off. I hope we do something wonderful. :)
