My Grateful List

I like to make a thankful/grateful list every November because we have been so blessed by our gracious Heavenly Father. He loves us and offers so many great opportunities!

• The gift of motherhood; Madeline has taught me so much in her 8 months here...especially patience but I think that will be a whole lifetime to learn and perfect that skill. She is beautiful, and her accomplishments are my accomplishments. I think Heavenly Father feels the same exact way...we add to His glory by perfecting ourselves and having children who will do the same. :)
• Marcus, the love of my life and my eternities. He has shown me what it truly means to be a wife and companion; true love gives when least expected and when most expected without expecting anything in return. My husband is the person I want to walk with hand-in-hand forever. He gives me strength and comfort, love and support, hugs and kisses, and confidence. I love him.
• The priesthood. Every time I feel alone or like a failure or ill, my husband offers me a blessing through the power and authority of the priesthood. I can't tell you how many blessings of comfort I have received from Heavenly Father through the laying on of hands and my husband. He lets me know that I am not lost, and that I am full of potential; I am His daughter, and He knows my possibilities. 
• Heavenly Father. He has given me the World. Literally. He loves me, and he answers my prayers through the help of others. I like to call them my angels. He saves my life (like the one time I ran a red light and thankfully no one was going through the light in the other direction). Miracles happen every day and it is because of the omnipotence and omniscience of my God. 
• Jesus Christ. My Savior and Redeemer. This is how I feel about my Brother: 

"Where Can I Turn For Peace" by Emma Lou Thayne and Joleen G. Meredith

Where Can I turn for peace,
Where is my solace ,
When other sources cease to make me whole.
When with a wounded heart, anger, or malice,
I draw myself apart,
Searching my soul
Where, when my aching grows,
Where when I languish,
Where, in my need to know, where can I run?
Where is the quiet hand to calm my anguish?
Who, who can understand
He, only One.
He answers privately,
Reaches my reaching,
In my Gethsemane, Savior and Friend
Gentle the peace he finds for my beseeching.
Constant he is and kind
Love without end  

• Music. There are several types of music and I love most of them. If it has a great message, I LOVE it. Here is the thing about music..it needs to be the right kind for my mood. There is "fun" music, and there is "beautiful" music, and there is "spiritual" music. I love songs about the grace of God, and I love upbeat music that makes me dance and get loose. What a stress relief! I do not like dark music or depressing music...Nickelback drives me insane. They have a couple of good songs, but they sound so mopey.. also Maroon 5...some good songs but VERY whiney. I can't take it. While Pitbul has some great beats, the lyrics to his songs are generally way too sensual for me to enjoy. The act of love needs to be kept between you and your spouse. No one needs to be sleeping around with someone they hardly know. 
• Delicious Food! Oh. My. Goodness. Good food means good times. Sometimes I will eat something so delicious that I start to cry! My dream is to get Guy Fierri's "Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives" book and tour with it. I want to go to all those delectable restaurants and eat and eat. Mmm. *drool*
• '[,kinppppppp0m-;['\p-ju8o8900k99999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999998888888888888888888888888kolbp0-k8ipppppppppppppppppp000000000000000000000000000000o (This was Madeline's little addition...she got to my computer. I am grateful for her curiosity.)
• Family. My family loves me no matter what. They call me just to talk without a "to-do" list. I get calls from people in church or school and sometimes those calls are so not genuine. I want to feel loved and needed and cared for...that's what family is for. I love my mom and her advice and hard work. I love my dad and his ambition to be a better person and a better dad. I love my sisters and their sisterlyness... who else could I call and just spill my feelings out to while ranting and crying? They help me to understand life from a different point of view, and make me grateful for my life even when it seems so difficult and terrible. I love my brothers. Both of them. I miss David terribly. Every day. He was happy and had magical hands and a warm heart. What an example of generosity he has been for me. Tyler brings me giggles and frustration, but he sees the world in such a different way and light. He loves me no matter what and he is always trying to make jokes. I am grateful for my husband's family too. They are now my family. I get to see how he was raised and take pointers for how my babies will be raised and say "no" to ways that would never work for me. I am grateful that Marcus has such a huge family compared to mine and that I get to experience what it is like to have little sisters and older brothers.
• Nap time. My nap time and Maddy's nap time. Sometimes I just need a break.
• The way my legs feel after I shave them.
• Hair Irons. If I feel like looking amazing I can do so easily with my flat and curling irons. 
• Mascara. My eyes tend to blend into my face, so mascara gives them that pop that they need.
• Great eye brows. I do not have great eye brows, but thanks to makeup and wax/tweezers they can look pretty good.
• Nail Clippers. I can not tell you how many times Marcus and I have lost our clippers, but every time we have some they are used. 
• Diapers. I hate dirty diapers, but I am glad that the reason they are dirty is the reason why we need them. I would not want to have the yucky all over the floor/furniture. 
• WIC. If we did not have WIC we would be spending hundreds of dollars on baby food a month. 
• Cell phones and email. I am glad that I can rely on a cell phone/email to get in touch with people I love.
• Computers/internet. I use my computer and the internet EVERY day. That is sad, but when you are a college student that's life. 
• Photographs and Homevideos. I love reminiscing, and it makes it easier when I can see the development of my life and the life of those I love through their actual journey documented through pictures and videos .
• Journals and Journaling. Getting things off my chest and out of my mind is such a stress relief. So many times I have been bored or I have had to tell someone about what that "jerk" did without feeling like a jerk myself afterwords. Thanks to my journals, it has been easy to share my life with many other people (in the future.) Plus, I love remembering things that happened in the past.
• Dancing! Dancing is a stress relief to me. It is fun, and a workout. You mean to say you can have fun and work out at the same time?! YES! 
• My Teachers. I have had several good teachers in my life, and let me tell you...a good teacher makes all the difference. When a teacher takes the times to love and care for me, I can tell that they want what is in my best interest.
• College; BYUI. My school has been a huge blessing. I have learned so much and have been able to feel the spirit helping teach me while here. 
• Toothpaste. Helps with bad breath. Can you imagine what life would be like if everyone had bad breath? 
• Deodorant. What if everyone smelt like garlic and onions? What if that smell emanated from underarms?! 
• BROWNIES. I am not a big sweets person, but I am a sucker for brownies.
• Appliances like dishwashers and washer and dryers! Fridges and Stoves too!
• Garage/yard sales and second hand stores like DI.
• Kindess
• Talent. So many people are gifted and talented and it is just wonderful when people share those talents with me!
• Cheese which goes good on everything in varying types.

21 is a Special Day

Marcus and I will be married for 2 years exactly one month from today! I am so happy that we made it this far. In some ways it feels like it has been forever since we've been together and in other ways it seems like we met just yesterday. I still get those tingly giddy feelings when we hold hands and when we kiss. But we have deep conversations that you could only have with someone you know inside and out and that you know wouldn't judge you for thinking the things that enter your mind. I love my husband and he has been the biggest blessing in my entire life. I especially love it when he gets me a drink when I ask him to, or when he picks up my feet without me asking and starts rubbing. Wow. What a babe.

Two years ago we looked like this!

Last year we looked like this!

This year we looked like this! (Pic added 1/1/13) 

We have fallen madly and deeply in love with each other and that love continues to grow every day. We hate being apart. Next week Marcus will be going to DC for three days! I will be so lonely! I'll pack his bag so he remembers to bring his phone cord. I'll need to talk to him every night. He is going there to do his final technical interviews! After next week we'll find out if he gets the teaching Naval position! If not then next Fall Marcus will need to take an internship; we're going for Boeing or B/E Aerospace. It's crazy to think that the decision is next week! We've been talking about and working toward this for one year and it all comes down to next week! Holy smokes!

We got Maddy a SuperSaucer by Evenflo for Christmas. I couldn't stop myself from giving it to her early, and she LOVES it. I am hoping it will give her more strength in her legs and the confidence to stand without holding onto the couch. She was babbling on and on about her new toy. I felt amazing like one of those moms on those commercials where they get their children the perfect pair of shoes, and while this is not a pair of shoes, the effect is the same. VICTORY !

I want to plan a fabulous anniversary trip, but money is always an issue. This year we will be in Salt Lake City for Anna's wedding. She wants us to go to the rehearsal dinner, and we might...I haven't decided. Her wedding is the next day. Anyways, I think we will drop Maddy off with her grandparents and then we will have a romantic stay. I am excited to go to a Jacuzzi. Last year I was pretty pregnant so I couldn't relax in a spa. This year I am not prego and I can eat what I want and spend as much time in a spa as I want... though spas are generally out of season during the winter months unless they are indoors. We will see. I am just so excited!

This semester is almost over. Hallelujah! I am ready to be done with preschool. I am happy with what I have learned, and I am grateful that I have had the chance to go to school on my offtrack to stay closer to my graduation date (which was last Spring..) I am happy I will be this much closer to my degree. Winter Semester I am doing a full class load. Five classes with a total of fifteen credits. I hope I do well. Sometimes I feel like I am just barely hanging on, but looking at my grad plan really helps. I seriously am so close. 

My FAVORITE Dishes

I feel that sometimes food is the way to happiness. Or...it just adds to my happiness ten fold. I love biting my teeth into delicious flavors and textures. Below is a list of the BEST food I have EVER eaten (aside from my mom's home-cooked dishes like her potato salad, or her curried rice.) 

The Smokehouse Burger from Elephant Bar 

This is pretty much the only sandwich that I can eat ALL of in one sitting because it is THAT yummy.

Brown Butter and Mizithra Cheese from The Old Spaghetti Factory

This is a classic dish from The Old Spaghetti Factory. It is so simple but so good! This is a dish I could turn to when seeking comfort. 

Melba's Meatloaf from Wingers Roadhouse Grill

Okay, this dish took me by surprise. It has a little bit of bite but I like that a lot, and it is full of complex flavors. I LOVE it. The downside is that it is too expensive. Marcus and I got it when he got a text for buy one entree get the second for free. 

The one in the middle! Mmmm.

Crab Cream Cheese Wontons from Siam Rice 
Man-o-man. I find myself craving these very often. They have more crab than cream cheese...which is what is the best. Too many restaurants want to save money and cheat us out of the delicious food that it should be. Plus these are paired with a super good sweet and spicey sort of sauce. 

Just Thinking

I was thinking... do more people hang up their clothes, or do more people prefer to fold them? I think I used to be a folder, but now I am leaning toward the hanging up side... except for jeans and j's. Socks also have their own basket...and do we need to match them? I do sometimes, but other times I just throw them all in the basket. I think it mostly depends on how I am feeling at the time--did I just eat a large lunch and now am feeling tired, or am I on a cleaning spurt? It just depends.

I want to be perfect. I am tired of being stressed. School. School. School. I don't remember being this stressed in my entire life... then again I was never before trying to raise my daughter, and keep the house clean, and make dinners. I feel like quitting but that would mean wasting a LOT of money that I have taken loans for. Plus I wouldn't have anything to show for all my hard work. I am seriously so close to being done. In April I am taking my HUGE exams called PRAXIS. They are state exams that qualify me to get my teaching degree. Taking classes doesn't prove you are good enough. Anyhoo, these exams are really expensive. I am going to have to study my booty off in order to pass and not waste the $250 that it took to register. Life is stressful, but good. I like it the most when the house is clean and I have no homework, and my friends have come to visit, and there are delicious smells are coming from the kitchen. :D -sigh- Those are the very best of times.

Learn to Dance in the Rain

Tonight Marcus told me he would never in eternity like nor participate in dance. This tore my heart to pieces. Dancing has been a huge part of who I am basically my whole life! I am not a competitive dancer and have never taken dance classes--except those oh-so-fun middle school days where the girls were still taller than the boys. I just find it the best way to let go of all my busyness of mind, to have fun, and to get a little tone on my muscles. Ever since I could remember it has been my escape from reality when reality seemed to really suck, or it was part of my reality when I was having a blast with my girls (trying to pick up guys). It's just crazy because he hates it as much as I love it... so how do we compromise... or rather... how do I get him to love it? *deep thoughts* There may not be a way. But he told me he would come and watch me while he does homework and watches Monkey. -sigh- I just feel so heartbroken! I didn't think this was possible after marriage! The ironic thing about this is... he loves watching America's Best Dance Crew, and he used to watch So You Think You Can Dance, but a lot of their dancing has become super sensual. It makes me uncomfortable to watch.

This is how I feel when I dance. 

This is also how I feel... 

This is probably how I look while dancing! :)

"Why do we dance? Although each person’s reasons might be different, many people admit that dancing gives them access to their hidden truths. One might enthusiastically welcome an invitation to a dance party as an opportunity for letting loose, releasing tension and discovering a joyous feeling, seemingly part of our natural selves, but lost to us in our daily hectic lives. Dance is also popularly used by dance therapists to navigate very deep trauma, in order to free the victim of it. Dance can help us hook up to the true genius lurking behind the cover-up of social convention that can sometimes prevent us from connecting to certain aspects of the self.
Though dance can be done in silence, it is typically done to a beat. Music gives a mood and vibration that we can feel in our bodies. Almost inevitably, we start moving. For most people, it is simply intuitive." -Yolessa K. Lawrinnce

The Rest of Vacation

I should have posted this a couple months ago, but here is the rest of our vacation during the 7 week break. 

Marcus and Camron playing basketball at the local middle school.

Maddy watching her papa.

This is a lovely poster that my sister-in-law Sarah made, but it totally bugs me! It bugs her too, so it's okay. The words "the" and "world" have a huge space between them unequal to all the other words. And there is an "r" that is backward. Also, I look super Asian in this picture.

Heehee. He is so funny. 

Going through a car wash!

Meeting Uncle Zane.

Jelly Bean

A park that was actually having a beer festival...we didn't spend too much time there.

This was in Utah at the family reunion. We had so much fun visiting. But by the end of our vacation we were so ready to be home...Maddy most of all.

This is Marcus' 1st cousin once removed. His name is Sam. He is Maddy's 2nd cousin. 

Boys vs. Girls 

 

This was Maddy playing peek-a-boo for the first time ever during the reunion.

This is the Boys vs. Girls race. 

Being a Parent

I found some questions on the net that I wanted to answer. 

• When did you first find out that you’d be a parent? How did you feel?
• June 2011. I was excited and it was crazy to think that there was actually something alive inside of me. 
• Can you describe the moment when you saw your child for the first time?
• I thought, "I did it! That is the hardest thing I have done and I never want to experience that kind of pain again!" and "oh my gosh, she is real!" and "her toes look like monkey toes" and "oh my gosh she has red hair!" There were a LOT of thoughts right then. I also felt weird because I was now officially a parent for time and all eternity! 
• How has being a parent changed you?
• I now worry a LOT more about things being on the floor, and other safety issues. I get to love someone from the very beginning. I get to experience the greatest joy of my life. I spend a lot more money. I am more stressed. I have less time to sleep. I feel loved and needed a lot more. I feel more connected to my husband (I didn't know that was possible.) 
• What are your dreams for your children?
• I want them to have good values and have a dedication to service to the Lord. I want them to have happiness greater than mine. I want them to feel success. I want them to make friends. I want them to laugh a lot. I want them to be proactive thinkers. I want them to find an eternal companion. I want them to have children. I want them to feel the sun. I want them to walk on the beach. I want them to have good memories. I want them to become best friends. 

Life and My Comfy Robe

My life feels like it is in shambles because my classes are kicking my butt! But if that is the only thing wrong in my life... I feel like I can say I have a really great life. And I do.

Yesterday I taught my preschool class for the first time, and it was a pretty good first time! Plus ALL the children were there! One of our students had to drop the program because of a fever of 103 for the past 10 days! We have been praying and hope this child feels better. They moved to Utah to go to Primary Children's. Everything will work out the way it is supposed to. God makes sure of it.

Now, I normally don't do political things, but just so everyone knows... I VOTE ROMNEY '12! Also, I feel like Obama says what he thinks people want to hear. I feel the Romney knows who he is, has a good foundation, and has firm beliefs. This is what I look for in a leader...not a flip-flopper.

Marcus did not pass his first phone interview for the naval position, but his recruiter assures us that he will work us through the process. He got 6/10 questions right. I feel that for the interview to be positive he needs to get at least an 8. He is a little rusty on some of the mathematics since he has been tutoring physics this semester, so he has been studying like a madman. Keep him in your prayers please!

My little girl is growing up so quickly! I keep looking at newborn pictures of her and I get so sad that she is not that small any more, but seeing her grow is the best thing...kinda indescribable. The first time she held her bottle was the best day of my life because I could now focus on homework at the same time she was feeding!

Maddy at 7 months old!

Maddy at a couple of days old.

Can you see the huge difference? She can sit on her own and she is THIS close (imagine me with my thumb and index finger almost touching) to crawling. She gets frustrated that she can't move as easily as we can, but she also knows she is so close! She is so smart! She knows how to kick a ball (I taught her about a week or so ago), and she giggles at the littlest things!

That's my new comfy robe I got for my birthday. I wear it all the time around the house. 

Alden came over with Brett and Lee to wish me a belated happy birthday! :) Alden wanted to play with Maddy so much, and she giggled and giggled until it was an old game. I am so fortunate to have so many people who love Madeline. 

I need to start working out. Seriously. It's not that I am gaining weight or anything...I just feel generally unhealthy... Exercise is a huge part of being healthy and I have basically cut it out of my life. I get out to the gym/track once a week, but I really want to work up to every day (minus the Sabbath.) It's difficult juggling my life...baby...homework...housework...baby...marriage...baby...homework (lots of homework). I am trying to be well-rounded, but let me tell you that it is exhausting. Once I get my degree I will feel so GREAT. Only one year to go. I am so faaar behind! It' okay. It just matters that I get the degree.

On another note, I feel that I have the best husband in the world. He threw me a surprise birthday party. I really had no idea he was planning it, but all my friends bailed out, and things just popped up. Luckily Sabrina and Zach still came over and babysat so Marcus could take me on a date instead. It would have been great to celebrate with my friends since this is the last semester Racheal and Jacob will be here in Idaho, but I was happy to go on a date with Marcus not having to be the one to find a babysitter. PLUS, he got me a massage! It was the BEST gift EVER! I think I am addicted... I entered myself in for a chance to win a free massage, so I hope that happens. I find out Oct. 31st.