So Much to Think About

Here's the thing, I can't seem to put how I am feeling into words. Maybe it's because I am feeling a bunch of different emotions at once. I'll tell you why.

1. I miss David.
2. I am anxious to move out of this Basement Apartment and settle down for the next two years in a normal apartment.
3. I see all my friends from high school graduating for college and I want to too!
4. Memorial Day

This is why I can't sleep at 12:30am while the baby is sleeping. It's a good excuse to be up at this hour if your baby is up too, but my baby isn't up, I just can't sleep. I'm hoping writing all my thoughts out will help...it has in the past. I just hope that when I finally do fall asleep that Madeline doesn't decide that it is time for her to wake up.

So, back to those reasons of feeling so many emotions... Reason 1. I was just missing talking to my brother. I was regretting not being better to him. While he was alive he was just my annoying brother that got on my nerves because of stupid choices he was making but that still had a way of making me laugh like crazy with his ridiculous lexicon. I can still hear "I've got skittles" and of course "bacon" and how could I forget "I wuv you" (he used to have a horrible time pronouncing 'r's.) I keep wondering what life would be like if he were still here... would he be serving an honorable mission? Would he be in his old rebellious ways? I do not know. All I know for a fact is that this older sister is seriously missing her baby brother with strong hands and a cute chuckle. Sometimes I just want to yell at Heavenly Father for taking him away, but I know that he is where he is supposed to be right now. I just hate that I got to experience the best childhood because of my siblings and now one of them is missing and life on Earth will never be the same without him because there will always be that void... I miss you so much brother. I guess that is part of the reason why God gives us families. How else would we know how to love so unconditionally?

Reason 2. This apartment has been such a blessing because it is cheap. It has two bedrooms and all utilities included. Awesome dealio for sure, but the ceilings are so darn low (two inches away from Marcus' head), and the bathroom could seriously use more counter, and leg space in front of the toilet. We are excited to move into the University Village in September (hopefully.) It has a ton of storage space and 9 foot ceilings. It feels like the ceilings go on and on like the sky seems to here in Rexburg. I am excited. The only thing is, we are on the waiting list. They will send out a mass email to all those on the waitlist in the next couple of weeks and the first people to reply are the ones that get the open spots. Man. I am crossing my fingers and praying we get in. Another good thing about our current place is that we have a month-to-month contract so we can move out really any time.

Reason 3. I know I have good excuses for not having graduated already--got married, had a baby--but I am so anxious to have my degree! I want to be that stay-at-home mom and wife that I always dreamed of being, but I NEED that degree first. It is essential to have one in these days. Life is so uncertain at times. I want to always be prepared as the prophets and apostles have encouraged us to be. So, here I am being antsy about my future. It is funny because my grad report says that I only have three semesters left... the thing is...who knows how long it will actually take me to get those three semesters done? I've had to go part time since becoming a mother (something that I love and will never give up.) How do you juggle school and motherhood? It it tough. I need help from my Savior! My classes are so difficult and I will be taking on a full course load this coming Winter in order to play catch-up...or rather don't-fall-behind-any-further. I think of The Little Engine That Could when feeling stressed about how I am going to take on such a task. And then after that I feel guilty for not thinking of my Savior first. He's got all my bases covered (which is such a weird idiom to me...the "all my bases covered" part.) Anyways, He does.

Reason 4. I feel terrible, but people have been posting pictures on Facebook like this: 
and like this:

I started feeling super horrible because I am guilty of doing the whole lets-have-a-barbecue-and-forget-what-memorial-day-is-really-about thing. So GUILTY. I think my plan to make up for my lack of honoring the soldiers who have died fighting for the Constitution and all that is right is to still have a BBQ, but to hold a moment of silence for all those brave and courageous individuals. I will also say a prayer over the feast for those that are currently in battle fighting for me and my kin. I would honor any person that I knew personally, but I do not know anyone. My Uncle Patrick served in the army, but he is alive and well with his beautiful family. I am grateful for his efforts though, as well as all the effort of those still in the Force.

Okay. I am done with my ramblings for the night. Ciao for now.

Goals and Visiting Teaching

So, this weekend I have had tons of homework because of midterms. It is one class, but the class has a TON of work. Good thing it is 4 credits. I wouldn't want to do all this work for only 2 credits.

Anna is visiting with us! We are so glad, plus she is lovin' all over little Maddy. It is nice because I can actually have a few moments to myself (like shower) without worrying if Monkey is crying. She is getting so big!

We got her pictures done yesterday. A photographer in town was having a free-baby special so I went and the pictures will be up next Saturday, so keep your eyes peeled.

Yesterday I made tomato soup from tomato sauce and heavy cream. I added some seasonings and then I made grilled cheese. It was delicious! And today I made my Taco Soup. I am trying to be more of a cook. It is quite the challenge to cook, and have a three-month-old, and go to classes, AND do homework. How does anyone do it? Anyways, I am going to try my best to cook for my little family. I'm thinking I will make the menu on Sundays and then shop on Mondays and then cook every week.

This month for visiting teaching we had to pick our messages from one of the General Conference talks from April 2012. I found a great segment from Elder Packer's talk:

From the talk “And a Little Child Shall Lead Them” by Boyd K Packer

Around the turn of the previous century, two missionaries were laboring in the mountains of the southern United States. One day, from a hilltop, they saw people gathering in a clearing far below. The missionaries did not often have many people to whom they might preach, so they made their way down to the clearing.

A little boy had drowned, and there was to be a funeral. His parents had sent for the minister to “say words” over their son. The missionaries stood back as the itinerant minister faced the grieving father and mother and began his sermon. If the parents expected to receive comfort from this man of the cloth, they would be disappointed.

He scolded them severely for not having had the little boy baptized. They had put it off because of one thing or another, and now it was too late. He told them very bluntly that their little boy had gone to hell. It was their fault. They were to blame for his endless torment.

After the sermon was over and the grave was covered, the elders approached the grieving parents. “We are servants of the Lord,” they told the mother, “and we have come with a message for you.” As the sobbing parents listened, the two elders read from the revelations and bore their testimony of the restoration of the keys for the redemption of both the living and the dead.

I have some sympathy for that preacher. He was doing the best he could with such light and knowledge as he had. But there is more that he should have been able to offer. There is the fullness of the gospel.

The elders came as comforters, as teachers, as servants of the Lord, as authorized ministers of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

And then I thought I would add my little blurb at the end: This is our mission as members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints; to be comforters to those in need. We are representatives of the Savior Jesus Christ. He died for us, so let’s pay it forward.

What do you think? 

Anyways, I know that it is my responsibility to make sure that my sister's are cared for and loved. I hope they like me. I have only met one, and she seems nice but she seems like she is done with school. I like her though. 

Pictures. She is growing so big!

This entry is just pictures of my cutie pie daughter. She is getting so big!

My mom gets her the cutest dresses!

This is her new swing. We got it a couple of weeks ago at Burlington Coat Factory for $70 originally $130!

Almost smiling

Daddy did something that she found SO amazing!

The best hairstyle website, AND Maddy is so cute :)

My first attempt

I found the most excellent website for hairstyles! It has tutorials and descriptions on countless hairstyles! Click Here! for the link! :) I am trying to teach myself how to do the Katniss Braid (Katniss' hairstyle from The Hunger Games movie.) I LOVE it, but I am still trying to figure out how to make it look more like it sits on top of my head rather than a regular french braid.

I think it looks decent :)

Madeline is starting to get on a routine. My sister Alicia got a book for me called the Baby Whisperer. In this book, it talks about getting your baby on a normal routine; not necessarily a schedule. It goes like this: just remember EASY--Eat, Activity, Sleep, and You time. There is a four hour routine, or a three hour routine for babies 6 weeks to four months. Anyways, you just need to stick to the basic routine, and if it fluctuates from time to time it is alright. Just remember when she wakes up, feed her (if she seems hungry) and then don't let her fall straight to sleep. Change her diaper and play with her. Then after about half an hour or an hour she can fall to sleep. This way she won't connect food to sleep. Does that make sense? The book makes it sound a lot better. Anyways, ever since we've been on the routine, Maddy has slept from about 11pm to 4-or-5am That is the most sleep I've had in one night in a long time! If she wakes up in the middle of the night, just give her a bottle and let her fall straight to sleep. For Maddy that is usually at four in the morning. She likes to wake up at four though, so I am trying to train her just to fall back asleep because I am not ready to wake up at that time. It wil take a little longer to establish this routine, but Maddy is a good baby. We are just so in love. :)
Look how cute he is getting!

We Love Our Girl

This semester has been pretty difficult. I am taking a practicum course which is a lab and lecture. The lab is three hours long two days a week and then the seminar is on Mondays for two hours. It is such a time-consuming class. In this class, I work with toddlers. Let me tell you, they are a handful. Today, one child through a temper tantrum, and there was no consoling him. He threw himself on the ground and pounded his forehead into the tiles several times. None of us knew how to handle him. I wanted to put him on time-out in a corner. Apparently this is normal behavior for him at home as well. Anyways, it was a little stressful. The children are super cute, and for the most part, I LOVE working with them.

Little Madeline Monkey Poo is so frustrating sometimes. She is a little miracle, but she is so stubborn.... I wonder who she gets that from... lol. She also loves to stay awake even when she is exhausted. The more she learns, the more I fall in love with her. She is a sweetheart, even past the fussiness. She is discovering her hands more and more. She pushes the bottle away with her arms when he doesn't want to eat any more. She coos all the time. She smiled some more today, but I couldn't tell if it was on purpose. She smiles in her sleep all the time. It is adorable. I am excited for the day she smiles with intent. My monkey is growing so big. She weighs about 10 pounds now. Her face is filling out and so are her legs and arms.

I am still getting used to being "mom." She is completely reliant on me. Exciting, happy...weird. I love her so much. I love her cuddles. I love her soft skin. I love when she talks. I love when she accomplishes something. I just love her.

This last weekend we went to Utah. It was wonderful. We went down on Friday and dropped Maddy off with Anna, bless her heart. Then we went and stayed the night in a hotel. It was wonderful to have a night all to ourselves. We went to the spa, enjoyed a full night's sleep, and had a delicious breakfast in the morning (biscuits and gravy.) Of course, this was after we got lost for the billionth time in Provo.

I have been feeling so self-conscious lately; I gained ten pounds during my pregnancy, I don't have time to do my hair or makeup, and my stomach looks like I've had a baby. I miss my pre-pregnancy belly, but I do not regret having my baby. She is the best decision I have ever made... I have never felt so much love completely and unconditionally as I do for my daughter. Now, when sad things happen to children in movies/tv shows, Marcus and I always end up crying because we just love our baby so much. If anything happened to her we would be heartbroken. I can just feel my heart aching in a way it never has before. I think I understand my parents' pain a little more when David and Marisa died. They were my siblings. That's something, but they were my mom and dad's babies. Heavenly Father must love us all so much to give up his son for us. Jesus Christ. He is the best thing that we can accept in our lives. He made an atonement for us, and we can choose to accept it or not... but that doesn't change the fact that he already did it; suffered on the cross and in Gethsemane.

I love my family.

Marcus is a good dad. He is still a little immature at times... but I think that's just the kid in him. I love that about him. I love seeing Marcus interact with our daughter. He plays with her in ways that I would never play with her, but she likes it. He loves her. I love seeing my husband love someone as much as he loves me...maybe even a little bit more. :)