Something I am doing to find myself again... or to battle the anxiety-related self-esteem-crush is to fill out the below questionnaire to remind myself who is inside this body (which feels very trapped at the moment).
I think being reminded of who I am will help to re-center my thoughts or at least give me hope that the person inside is still there and the anxiety is only temporary. It is only temporary. Not forever.
Feel free to read on if you'd like to get to know me, too!
1. Are you happy? Where you are right now, doing what you’re doing, the life you’re living… are you happy? If not, what do you think you need to be truly happy?
I love that we are expanding our family and working hard for our future. I am very happy watching my children learn and grow.
2. What does a perfect day look like to you?
Sleeping in after a very comfortable and restful night's sleep. Breakfast at a local cafe. Finding a not-so-busy fair/carnival to play with the kids at. Ice cream. Mexican food for lunch. After noon rest/nap. Family movie at the theatre. Meeting up with friends for dinner and games. Journaling. Falling asleep after a nice back rub next to my sweet man.
3. If you could change just one thing about your life, what would you change?
Eternal mental wellness and health. No anxiety. No self-doubt.
4. If you only have six months left to live, would you change the way you are living your life now?
No. I'm doing what I need to right now.
5. What’s holding you back from living the life you would live if you were dying (refer to the question above)?
Finances. But I feel like that is on most people's wish lists. I have the important things.
6. What are 5 things that can put a smile on your face no matter what?
Memes, my children, my husband, really delicious food/dessert, a massage.
7. If you inherited 1 million dollars from an uncle you’ve never heard of before, how would you spend that money? And how would you live your life?
We would pay off all our debts (student loans, car payment) and put half into investments and the other would become our fund to buy 2-10 acres of land and build our dream home with a beautiful sensory garden and livestock area.
8. Have you ever felt truly loved by yourself or someone else? If so, can you distinctly remember a moment where you were filled with love?
Today my daughters came in after coloring pictures and presented me with sweet artworks. Also those sweet looks they gave me when I would nurse them as babies.
9. What does it take for you to feel loved by yourself or someone else?
Knowing who that person is, where they've been, how far they've come. I think seeing someone's infinite potential is part of loving someone.
10. Is there someone inside of you that is blocking love from your life? Maybe a belief or a past experience.
Honestly, I just annoy myself with overthinking.
11. Do you ever underestimate yourself? If so, name a time where you underestimated yourself and why you did it?
Yes. I feel like I have a dream to be an interior designer but I feel like I don't have the know-how or experience. But I enjoy designing spaces a lot.
12. What lies do you continuously tell to those around you?
N/A My moral code prevents me from doing this.
13. What is your happiest memory?
Christmas morning with children is the best time you will ever have. It is magical.
14. Are there any lies you’ve been telling yourself regularly? Such as I’m ugly, why am I so stupid, no one loves me, etc.
I always say stupid things. I'm bad at conversations.
15. What is your biggest self-limiting belief?
My anxiety will control my life forever.
16. If you could have any career, what would it be?
Stay-at-home mom and interior designer.
17. What is one problem that you see in the world?
Socialism and self-entitlement.
18. Is there anything you could do to help solve that problem in the previous question?
Raise my children to be grateful people and hard working members of the community that are altruistic.
19. What are you truly passionate about?
My family and raising my children with good values.
20. What gifts or talents do you have that you typically hide from yourself or others?
I could probably pursue my artistic talents more. Most people don't know I play the flute albeit I am very rusty. I also get a terrible nervous tick--quivering bottom lip--while playing for others which makes it difficult to play. So I avoid it.
21. Is there anything in your life that you are ashamed of?
My thoughts annoy me a lot. I nag myself all the time. It is exhausting.
22. When you have free time, what do you like to do for fun?
Binge watch tv shows like Monk, Poirot, HGTV. I also love to journal and play games with friends and family.
23. What legacy do you hope to leave behind once your time on Earth is over?
A great posterity that knows I am a kind and charitable person and I always tried to live my life by a set of values and principals that would create a safe and happy home.
24. Are there aspects of your life that you worry about?
Finances. Maybe never being free of the anxiety.
25. What is your greatest fear?
Losing a child. My parents lost two...which means I've lost two siblings. and it is devastating. I'm also scared of losing my husband.
26. Do you believe that everything happens in your life for a reason?
Yes. There is a reason; whether it is because of choices people have made or it's part of the divine plan.
27. What is your proudest accomplishment in life?
My babies.
28. In your life, what matters the most to you?
Family.
29. Do you prefer to spend time alone or with other people?
I think you need both to be balanced.
30. Would you consider yourself to be an introvert or an extrovert? Are you energized by being with others or spending time alone?
I am extroverted. But I do love some quiet time to journal.
31. Are there any dreams that continue to repeat themselves when you sleep?
Being chased is my most common reoccurring dream in different settings.
32. If you could be a fly on the wall, what would people say about you behind closed doors?
I would love to know.
33. Do you feel like you know your purpose in life? If so, what is it? If not, is there anything holding you back from discovering your purpose?
Yes. My purpose in this life is to rear my children in love and righteousness. To nurture others and provide comfort to those in need.
34. What would you consider to be your biggest failure in life?
I'm not sure anything is a failure until you quit trying...and I have never been a quitter.
35. Do you rely on others to tell you what to do or how to act? If so, how can you remove this expectation and act based on your own beliefs?
No.
36. Are there areas of your life that you notice you compare yourself to others? Your body, your job, your friend group, etc.
My body..definitely. There are pictures of half-nude women everywhere. I also have been given the gift of baring children and now my body is quite different than before. Grateful as I am for this beautiful gift, the world says stretch marks and any extra hairs outside your head are unsightly. So if I have those things...doesn't that mean I am unsightly? There are so many products promoting flawless skin rather than accepting the skin we have. It's hard. I also wish I had more energy to be that PTO mom or that cook-like-a-chef mom.. but I don't always.
37. What are your short-term goals? And what are your long-term goals?
Survive this pregnancy and give birth to a healthy and happy baby boy. Raise a family and create a home with Marcus.
38. If you could go back five years, what is one decision you made that you would change?
I would ask for a couple thousand dollars at closing from the previous owners of our home to replace destroyed flooring that we had to replace anyways.
39. What are your greatest strengths?
Endurance through trials, creativity, good-natured, hard working, empathetic, faithful.
40. How is your relationship with money?
Good. It doesn't rule my life but I recognize the need for it.
41. What do you believe is possible in your life?
Eternal happiness.
42. Who is your greatest role model?
Jesus Christ is my biggest exemplar. Then I admire very many women in my life each with their own unique gifts and talents.
43. Do you believe in a greater force? Whether that is religiously or simply believing in the power of the Universe?
Yes. I believe in God and Jesus Christ.
44. Are there people in your life that bring you down, hold you back, or fail to bring you joy? If so, is there a way that you could rid them from your life or confront them with your problems?
Yes. I'm working on it with my therapist. Sometimes I feel like that person is myself.
45. What do you want people to say about you at your funeral?
She was kind. She loved with her whole self. She always saw the good in others. She tried her best to be her best self.
46. How do you feel and react when you fail?
Disappointed but I keep trying.
47. What do you believe is the meaning of your life?
That question was kinda already answered in #34.
48. When something bad happens, do you tend to place blame on yourself, those around you, or a greater power?
Depends on what has happened. Did dinner burn? I probably left it in the oven too long. Did someone hit my parked car? The other person should have seen it parked so it's their fault.
49. Do you believe in destiny? If so, what do you believe is yours?
I believe the choices you make will lead you to eternal happiness or eternal misery.
50. What would it mean to live your happiest life being your truest self every darn day?
happiness.
